


I'm dead without you

by orphan_account



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 06:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8738548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Chapter 1

Since her divorce from her 25 years husband, senator clinton chose to focus on her work and her daughter who studied abroad in England and swallowed her feelings for the former president and decided to live without him and the memories of their shared past.  
She was tired of the pain he caused her constantly, she knew he didn’t mean to hurt and never doubted that he adored her but the pain and the humiliation are too huge to ignore. Her new career might have contributed to her decision to file from divorce from Bill as soon as they left the WH. She dreaded it, but felt it was right for her. That she deserved better. She relied on her faith and her mother to heal and thought she was, but she was mistaken.  
Each time she hears his voice and sees his face on tv, a piece of her dies and tears start filling her baby blue eyes. She cried herself to sleep countless nights when she felt lonely in a big cold bed and missed sleeping in her husband’s strong arms.

Bill wasn’t doing any better. Medication helped him with his chronic depression but friends and Chelsea would tell you he wasn’t who he was before. He lost his energy and the light in his eyes disappeared. Not only did he lose the love of his life, he lost his life. He told his therapist once that he was only living for Chelsea. He felt that the whole world shattered, he sees her face from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed. Golf didn’t help. Food didn’t help and heck, even sex didn’t help. He didn’t date anyone, but attractive 20 something women were throwing themselves at him, most of the time he refused, but sometimes give it a try, but it didn’t feel the same anymore and he started feeling like a bitter 80 year old man at the age of 54. He goes to sleep with a picture of Hillary by his night stand and no matter how hard he tried to get over her, he couldn’t. He loved her more than he thought he did.

 

Chelsea took the divorce better than her parents did. She was upset at first, but somehow felt happy for her mother, and promised herself that she’d keep them friends. She didn’t believe in marriage anymore, since she saw how love isn’t enough and thought it was all a big lie and focused on her studies and her new English boyfriend and her new life.

 

–

“Hi mom. I’ve been trying to reach you since this morning. Huma told me you were busy.”

“ I’m sorry honey. How are you doing? I miss you so much.”

“I’m great! I’m having fun, did you see the pictures i sent you?”

“I did. I’m glad you’re having a blast.”

Hillary’s voice sounded so miserable that it made her daughter dead worried.  
“Mom are you alright? You sound so sad. Is grandma okay?”  
“She’s fine. I’m just tired.”  
“I know you too well. What are you hiding?”  
Hillary started to get so frustrated with her daughter’s questions  
“I’m perfectly fine!” She screamed.  
“You don’t need to yell. I’m sorry I was just worried.”  
“I’m so so sorry honey. Didn’t mean to sound so aggressive. I’ll call you later okay?”  
“No mom wait - you know I’m coming home for thanksgiving right?”  
Hillarys heart broke upon hearing the word “home”. Her daughter didn’t have a home anymore. She spent her days in the states between new york and Washington. Celebrated two different birthdays last year.  
“Yeah chels. You grandma will cook us a nice meal. We’ll have a great time. Can’t wait to see you?”  
“What about dad?”  
“What about him?”  
“I want to have a nice meal with both of you.”  
“Oh I don’t know if that’s a good-”  
“Mom please. You both promised me to be civil. I need you both..”  
Chelsea’s voice started to break along with her mom’s heart.  
“Honey don’t cry. Please don’t. Ok. I’ll call him”  
“No he will call you.”  
“What?”  
“I spoke to him earlier. He told me he would host us all in Chappaqua if you agreed to come.”  
“Oh Chelsea. You shouldn’t - ok. Deal. Do i need to call him?”  
“When was the last time you spoke to him?”  
“We do speak. Through our lawyers.”  
“Mom!”  
“Ok honey. I’ll call him. I love you.”  
“I love you more mom.”


	2. II

Bill was sitting in a rocking chair reading a novel when the phone suddenly rang. He lifted his hand to answer it as his eyes never left the pages. He wasn’t expecting anything important, most probably a call from one of his aides asking or confirming something and his heart skipped a beat when he heard her voice.  
“Hello, Bill? It’s me.”  
She sounded so confident and articulate but inside she was terrified and nervous. Took her a good 5 minutes to finally dial his home line.  
“H-Hillary?”  
“Yeah, you weren’t , you weren’t expecting my call? I thought-”  
“Oh yes, of course I was. It’s just sudden-”  
The conversation was starting to get a bit awkward so Bill decided to loosen up the mood.   
“So, you in for Thanksgiving?”  
“Yeah, I figured it was the best for Chelsea.”  
“Yes Hillary. And don’t worry, we’ll be civil. It’s going to be a great evening.”  
He could feel his heart racing out of his chest while he spoke to his darling. He kept squeezing his hands to not sound abnormal.  
“So your place at 3?”  
“Yeah. Cool.”  
“What do I need to bring?”  
“Just yourself Hills. I still can call you that right?”  
“Yes - yeah I guess.” His voice was giving her too much warmth that she didn’t want to hang up.  
“And Dorothy is coming right?”  
“No actually, she’s at Hugh’s right now.”  
“Oh bummer. I miss her a lot.”  
Hillary knew how much Bill loved her mother and her mother adored him too and it broke her heart hearing Bill say that.  
“She misses you too. But you know Bill you can see her whenever you want.”  
“Yeah too bad I didn’t get the custody of Dorothy”  
Hillary started to giggle and her laugh brought tears of joy to Bill’s eyes. He loved hearing her laugh too much and missed being the reason why she laughed.  
“So Bill. I’ll be there. I’ll bring a pie or two.”  
“Okay. If you want to.”  
“What you don’t trust me with the pies?”  
“Well let’s say that your culinary skills aren’t your best quality”  
Hillary laughed again. It quickly got so friendly. But again, this is a very long relationship, no matter how much they would try, their minds will be attached.  
“Ok. Don’t worry I’ll buy them. I have to go now. See you then!”  
“See you then Hillary. Bye bye.”  
As they both hung up, both their faces broke down in sadness. They realised the stupid mistake they did. Especially Hillary. But she didn’t want to think about it. She was looking forward to the dinner.

–

Today was the day. She kept having dreams about this dinner and was so nervous that she thought about cancelling. She got up from her bed and went straight to her bathroom to take a shower. As her body was getting and her vision blurry from the shower’s steam, she kept thinking about the appropriate way to dress and whether or not to put make up on. She hasn’t seen Bill in what seemed like ages and found herself, wanting to impress him. She turned the water off and thought to herself “Am I trying to look good for him? What does that mean?”. She could not come to terms with her subliminal thoughts and decided to do what her heart told her to. Wrapped up in a towel, she dialled her daughter’s number. “Good morning mom! I can’t wait to see you!” “Good morning honey. Well you could’ve spent the night with me instead of at your father’s.” “Mom are you jealous? I’m spending the rest of the week with you!” “I know honey, I’m joking. It could’ve been easier if we walked in there together you know..” “I get it. But it’s going to be alright. Fred and I are going for a hike right now so I’ll see you later! I promise everythings gonna be okay!” “What did your dad think about Fred?” “He likes him. They spent the entire night talking about economics. He’s thrilled he’s a finance major. But he made sure we slept in different rooms.” “A father is always a father.” – Bill and Chelsea were checking on the turkey while her boyfriend made sure the table was set perfectly when Hillary entered the room. Secret Service let her in and one of them was especially happy to see her. “Hello everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!” Bill felt as though his heart fell out of his chest. But he quickly came back to reality and said “Hi Hillary! So glad you brought the pies!” After a kiss and a hug from Chelsea and a quick peck on the cheek from Fred, it was Bill’s turn to welcome her. He gave her a hug that got tighter as time passed on and Hillary didn’t break it. “I’m so glad you came” he whispered. Fred noticed Chelsea’s tears so he held her hand making sure the afternoon didn’t start with an awkward scene. – “ That was really good Bill. I loved the stuffing.” “Thanks but I can’t accept the compliment Chelsea made the stuffing.” “Really? Wow. When it comes to cooking, she’s not my daughter.” They laughed lightly as they were cleaning the kitchen with the help of the youngters. After all was neat, Chelsea told her parents that Fred and her were going to take a walk because they felt very full. Hillary wanted to protest at first but Bill gave her the look. The look that it’s going to be okay. After all, the dinner went all smooth. They laughed shared stories of Chelsea’s childhood with Fred and nothing felt awkward or painful. Bill even complimented her hair and she felt rather happy about it and didn’t think about what it meant. – “-You wanna watch Tv? -oh no please no news. - haha, how’s work by the way? I hear that republicans are giving us a hard time huh? -well, they’ll never change. But I managed to build some relationships. I got a bill signed yesterday by senators from both sides of the aisle which i really feel proud about! -You should. That new law will help keeping thousands of jobs inside of new york city. - I see you heard about it? - Of course I did. Hillary walked up a few steps and was right beside him right now. They kept looking through each other’s eyes and the silence was dreadful until Bill broke it. “I miss you.” Hillary felt tears filling up her beautiful eyes and without any hesitation said back “Me too”. As tears started running down her cheeks he took her in his arms and whispered in her ears “ please don’t cry, it breaks my heart” and went back facing her to wipe the tears off her face. It took her a couple of seconds to realised she was acting like a child so she cleared her throat and said “ I’m sorry I’m being ridiculous.” “You’re not. We can’t hide our feelings forever.” She could control every emotion in her life. Every reaction of hers was calculated and rational. Expect Bill Clinton. He was her biggest weakness. She took his face in her hands and he leaned down and gave her a long, wet kiss. She knew it was wrong, that’s she’ll regret it. But she didn’t stop him. She wanted more. As soon as he broke the kiss and she pushed herself at him and crushed her lips at his engaging in a heated kiss that screamed passion. Their lips came apart gasping for air and he buried his face in her neck smelling her perfume. “Sweet jesus, I missed you. I can’t live without you. I’m dead without you.” She felt the vibrations of his words against her neck and it gave her chills. He started kissing and sucking on the tender skin of her neck and she kept buring her hand in his white hair.  
She missed him so much.   
And felt right where she belonged in his arms.   
She let out a soft moan before his gaze got hers and she gave a big smile. He kissed her lips again and was starting to cup her breasts when they heard a noise. Chelsea and Fred finished their walk. –


	3. III

It’s been 5 days and she couldn’t stop thinking about that night . Couldn’t stop reliving that moment of intimacy with her ex-husband. She still feels his touch on her amrs, her back, his lips on hers.

One of her aides noticed a red mark on her neck. “It must be a mosquito bite” she said.  
Right, in november.

Huma knew something wasn’t right. Hillary has been unusually quiet since and was caught day dreaming.

“I called her name three times before she answered me.” One staffer said.  
“Me too. I hope she’s alright.” Huma responded.  
“Maybe she’s in looove” the guy said with a stupid tone.  
“Shut up, if she hears you, she’ll be mad.”

–

Bill hesitated. He was happy he finally could touch her again, feel her lips against his again. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted his girl back more than anything. By now, he was even more sure that she never stopped loving him.  
He thought to himself that he had to call her, she must be thinking about it too, he knows his Hillary.

But he didn’t, instead, he showed up at her door.

–

The door bell rang as she was in the kitchen making a sandwich. It must be one of her aides since the secret service let them that close. “I’m coming!” she said as she tightened her robe around her tiny waist.

Her heart fell to her knees when she saw a tall, handsome man smiling at her.

“What are you doing here?”  
“Is this how you welcome your guests?”  
“Did anyone see you?”  
“No” he said with a smirk.  
She moved her hands into the living room signaling him to hurry and enter.

“ I like what you’ve done with the place. Looks pretty”  
“Thank you.” He looked at her and she blushed at his look. His eyes made her feel indescribable emotions.

“You look beautiful”  
“Why are you here?”  
“I want you. You think I’m just gonna ignore what happened that night?”  
“Bill, it’s over. I think it’s time we both move on.”  
He walked closer to her and hugged her by the waist.  
“What was that then?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“You do know.”  
They stared into each others eyes for a while then sunk into a heated passionate kiss. Minutes later, she was in his arms as he walked them to her bedroom.

–  
As she laid beside him only wearing a smile  
He gently stroked her shoulder’s tender skin and placed a kiss on it as her face was buried in his chest.  
“I missed you so much”  
“Me too, Billy”

They spent the entire afternoon kissing and cuddling after what he called “ post divorce sex”. After they finished, he groped her pussy and said “ Home, sweet home!” .

She felt her heart full again. She started feeling every bit of her existence again. He eyes regained their twinkle and her smile was bigger than ever. His touch made her so warm that she didn’t need clothes, sheets in a cold Washington evening. His scent made her feel empowered and she asked him to never leave her again.  
Bill didn’t know it would be this easy to win her back, or did he really? But the contact he longed for for years is finally here. Having her between his arms made him feel beyond euphoric. He kept whispering sweet things to her ears, and she felt like nothing could ever hurt her when she’s in his arms.

Came dinner time, she asked him what he wanted to eat, he said “you”.

–

“You really wanna go back to new york now? Can’t you wait until next morning? ”  
“What? You want me to sleep next to you?”  
“Perhaps” she said in a seductive voice.  
He kissed her with all the passion a heart can take and poked her noise with his and said “I have to. I don’t want anyone to know what happened here.”  
“Why?”  
“I want us to have sometime. We need it.”

He took her in his arms as she made an adorable pouty face and she looked up at him and said “I may regret saying this but, I love you.”  
“I know. Me too.”  
They embraced for what felt like hours and then he had to leave. Leaving behind the door a woman he adored.   
She felt the same and as soon as the door shut down, she settled in a sofa and broke down in tears.

She was confused about everything. She didn’t know what she was doing, and will she do next? Should I have told him that I loved him she thought. Heck, even if I didn’t, no one fucks like that if they didn’t love.

She went to bed, alone, happy and at the same time , scared about tomorrow.

Bill Clinton will always be trouble she thought.


	4. IV

It’s been 3 weeks since thanksgiving. And they’ve already been together 4 times. She couldn’t stop it, resist it nor did she really want to. She knew it was wrong and if the press knew about it, it would be a huge scandal. The junior senator from NY having an affair with her ex-husband. Politicians are expected to act like saints, but she was far from that, especially when it came to Bill. 

 

They had agreed to spend the week-end together in Chappaqua, and he decided to make it unforgettable to her. While she was in the shower, he ordered fancy food from his favourite restaurant and set up the table with pink candles and hydrangeas, her favourite flowers. When everything was perfectly ready, he went up to his bedroom to find her in front of the mirror, looking at herself, wrapped in a towel. He stared at her for a couple of seconds in awe, which was amusing to her, and then walked up to her and hugged her from behind and planted a kiss on the top of her head. She just smiled.

“Are you hungry?”

“Oh yes. Should we order something?”

“I already did” looking at their reflection in the mirror “How long will it get you to be ready for our date in the living room?”

“Depends on what you want me to look like,Billy” she said in a seductive voice.

“You know my favourite look on you.” They both laughed.

Couple of minutes later, they were both descending the strairs hand in hand.

As soon as she saw the romantic atmosphere in the living room, she stood in shock.

“Oh.” She breathes. “ I can’t believe you did this.”

He wrapped his arm around her. “Do you like it?”

The quick peck on the lips was her answer.

He led her to the table, pulled back her chair, he was always a gentleman.

As they sipped red wine and ate their french dish, in deep conversation, she remembered the easier times, when they were husband and wife, when everything was pefect. She wanted to stay in that moment, locked in time with the love of her life near her,no one around to judge her or mistreat her.

That was the particular moment when it finally hit her that the divorce was more than a stupid mistake, and that she never really wanted it but felt like it was the right thing to do, because that’s what to do when you get cheated on, you leave.

She never wanted to leave, in fact, here she is, back.

The night ended in slow-dancing to the way you look tonight and exchanging passionate kisses before giving in to their uncontrollable desire for each other in bed.

–

9:30 AM , Chappaqua, New York

“Hills, Honey, wake up. We overslept.”

She woke up to his raspy, sexy voice, in his arms, happier than ever.

“Had a good night sleep?”

“Yeah, you wore me out yesterday.” He laughed satsified with himself and she lifted her head up and kissed his neck.

After a few seconds of eye-locking, she broke the silence.

“What are we going to do? This is crazy.”

“What?”

“We’re divorced.”

“I’m not the one who asked for it, baby.”

“I know.” She said in almost a whisper.

“Honestly, do you see this going on?”

“I’m never letting you go again- ever.” he said in a serious voice. 

“I don’t want you too.”

“Let’s get married again.” He said stroking her shoulder. 

She looked up at him with her eyes wide open. “Are you serious?”

“ I’ve never been this serious my whole life.” She let go of his embrace and sat up on the bed.

“I don’t know Bill, this is huge.”

“That’s what you said in 1971.” She took his hand in his. “I’m not letting you go, even if takes me a million times to get you to say yes this time.”

She surprised him by a kiss, and he took it as a good sign.

“We have to tell Chelsea first.”

“About the wedding?” She smiled.

“No darling, about us getting back together.” She came back into his arms and continued. “We’re not going to have a wedding, just a small ceremony.”

He stroked her hair and tightened his embrace around her waist.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes. But not now.”

“I love you so much.” He rolled her over and she was under him. Needless to say, they didn’t leave the bed for another 30 minutes.


End file.
